Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
