Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
