If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
