Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
