His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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