help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would fuck him just for his dog
I deserve this hangover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
