That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
