She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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