turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
