Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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