im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
