My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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