Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
