hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
