i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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