Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
