I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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