I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
