He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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