she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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