I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In the future we'll all be gay
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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