They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
