i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
