new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
