I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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