its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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