I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just gift wrapped bread.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
