I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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