No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
