Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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