I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
