I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There are leaves in my underwear?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
