Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
