If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
not ubering you a puppy
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