you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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