Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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