i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
