I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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