last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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