and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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