i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
