She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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