You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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