took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
