I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
