All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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