What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
