You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
