She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
