I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
