im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
