super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
