just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
