He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
