i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
