She is in my trunk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
